Panic : Johanna Mason
by jellybean5898
Summary: Mockingjay. While Katniss, Finnick, and Peeta are battling it out in the Capitol, Johanna is forced to stay behind after a panic attack. Is it possible that she isn't as tough as everyone makes her out to be?
1. Chapter 1 : Hospitals

I sniff my bundle of pine needles. They're cradled in my arms as I lay on my hospital bed, listening to the faint beep of some machine in another room. I close my eyes and remember when Katniss brought me these. She'd been thoughtful enough to collect them from the forest and bring them to me. Needless to say, my opinion of her is now at an all-time high.

They smell just like District Seven. For some reason, my work schedule out chopping wood repeats in my mind. I don't know why, but I can remember it perfectly. At 8, I had to be at the lumber yards. Chop wood from 8-12. 12-1 PM was a lunch break, but we had to write out labels as we ate our lunches. 1-3 was more chopping. 3-5 was packaging and putting labels on the woods piles to be sent off to the Capitol.

_It's not important anymore, _I remind myself. _You aren't in District 7 anymore. You may never go back . . . _The very second I tell myself that I regret it. Because what if it's true? What if I'll never see my home again. Sure, there's been some horrible memories there, but hasn't anyone ever heard_, "Home is where the heart is" _? I'm almost positive my heart is stranded somewhere in Seven, and I'm determined to find it.

My head doctor, Dr. Reginald, walks into the room. "Hello, Johanna, how are you?" He doesn't look up from his clipboard.

"Well," I answer, and take a deep breathe. "When do I get to leave the hospital?" I'm pretty much dying to leave, to live in _at least _a compartment. I want to live on my own, even if it means daily visits with my head doctor again.

"Soon, Johanna," He says. "Don't worry. Possibly in as little as a week." The thought makes me smile. Quite frankly, I'm becoming sick of hospitals and sick people.

"Good," I answer.

"Oh, Johanna, I almost forgot. We won't be having a session today. I think you've made excellent improvment since that day on the Block a week ago. You have a visitor, anyway. She said it's just real quick, and I hope so." He looks at his watch. "She's got another shift in ten minutes."

I'm about to ask a million questions. _Who's come to visit me?_ But he walks out the door and someone else walks in. Primrose Everdeen. Katniss's little sister, who was called at the reaping. Katniss volunteered to go in for her. She's 13 now, 12 at the time of the reaping. She's about as sweet as it gets, or so I've heard. And she's standing in the doorway.

"Hello, Prim," I say cautiously. I'm still not sure why she's here.

"Hi, Johanna," She says, waves her hand a bit, and walks over next to my bed. "I know you're wondering why I'm here, but I came to say thank you."

"Thank me?" I ask, obviously confused. "Why do you want to thank me?"

"For saving Katniss. I know it's a little late. . . But in the arena. When you cut out her tracker so the hovercraft could come and save her. At first I thought you were killing her... but then I saw you pulled out that tracker. And it was very brave of you, you know. You risked your own life to save hers. And you were a hero."

"A hero?" I say, my eyebrows raised. "Huh. I've never been called a hero before. Thank you, Prim. It means a lot." And sad to say, but it does. I've barely ever been called nice. And now I've found out I'm someone's hero. I remember how much Katniss loves her. The image of her running for her life up to the stage that day comes back to me. She didn't hesitate to get up on that stage and take a death sentence for her little sister.

"You know, your sister's a hero, too," I say. I repeat my thoughts: "She didn't hesitate to run up and save your life at the reaping. She must really love you. And that was really brave, too. She's leading a rebellion for the freedom of all of us. _And _I know the only reason she tried so hard to win the Games was for you. Remember at the interviews? She said she loved you more than anything."

Prim smiles. "She's always been a hero to me. Even before the reaping. Even before she volunteered to save me. We all knew I would've never won. But somehow... she had always been. I mean, my mother had become depressed and Katniss, only 12 at time, had to take over. Improve her hunting skills, you know."

"Sort of," I say. "Don't you have to be getting back to being a nurse? What? Are they training you to be a doctor?"

The way she smiles after I ask could brighten even the person in the deepest depression's day. "Yes! Well, I think so. I hope." She looks away dreamily. "And yes, I do have to be getting back to work. I'll see you soon. I heard you're getting out soon."

She slips out of the door, clicking it closed quietly behind her. I can hear her tiny footsteps rush away to another part of the hospital . . .

**[Days Later]**

I click on the TV, hoping to find _something _about the troops in the Capitol. Specifically the one involving Finnick, Gale, and of course, Katniss. I've heard they've had connection with Haymitch, so maybe if I could go down and see him, he could tell me something. But I doubt they'd even tell me anything.

There's footage of Peacekeepers on roofs. They're shooting and blowing up houses. A reporter is standing on one of the roofs, scattered Peacekeepers behind her.

"The rebel troop, including Boggs, the commander, Cressida, Gale, Katniss Everdeen's friend/hunting partner, Finnick Odair, the winner of the 65th Hunger Games and of course the all so famous 74th Hunger Games Victors, Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen were just pronounced dead. One body has been found. The long awaited death of Katniss has finally happened, Capitol residents. It just goes to show you cannot defeat the power of the Capitol. President Snow has promised an official statement later."

A shiver overtakes my body, starting in my toes and working it's way up to my brain. Finnick. Katniss. Peeta. Even Gale. They're all dead, they're all dead, they're all dead. I feel like its my fault. But for once, it's not. I probably would've been in that group. I could be dead right now if it weren't for my spaz down on the Block. But more importantly, they are. Brutal, violent, painful deaths.

Finnick. My partner in crime, my brother. We'd been forced together but the crappiest lives on this planet. With families dead in the arms of the Capitol. It was important we had alike lives. That way, we could rant to each other about how much we hate the Capitol and being a mentor and watching our tributes meet their shortly-awaited deaths. Laughing and drinking together. Getting through those tough times.

Peeta and Gale. I didn't really know either of them, but I know that they were both fighters, never giving up on their lives. Gale, I've heard, hunted for his family when his father died in a coal mine explosion. He had a need to survive and found a way. And Peeta, in the arena with that cut that went practically down to his bone. Somehow he managed to survive blood loss and poisoning. How they did it I still don't know.

And Katniss. Though I did know her better, I hadn't respected her much until recently. But I should have. She saved her sister and defied the Capitol with a handful of berries. She led the way to freedom and was one of those people who didn't take bullshit. Even when everyone else had lost hope, she paved the road. They were just driving on it... I should've cared! I should've been kinder! At least she died knowing she was a leader, not a follower of the crowd.

Maybe she did have the right to kill Snow. She was the one who threw us into this mess. Though they're dead, the flame she lit turned into an inferno that not even the Capitol can burn out. . .

Suddenly, I remember Prim and Mrs. Everdeen. I remember Annie. Gale's family is also living in District 13. He someone managed to get them out of the District 12 bombing. I slip out of my bed and take the elevator down to one of the lower levels of 13. Someone might stop me, as I'm still in my hospital gown. But I have to do this. I bang through the door and run down to some rooms until I find Beetee.

"Beetee," I breathe heavily.

"Johanna! I haven't seen you in a while. What can I help you with?" He cleans his glasses with his shirt and I begin to talk quickly.

"Beetee, didn't you just see the Capitol feed? A reporter pronounced the deaths of Finnick and Katniss and Peeta and Gale and Boggs and Cressida! The troop! How are you not freaking out? You've known Finnick and Katniss and Peeta and I heards you were creating things with Gale! How can you be-"

"Johanna, calm down, please. Come with me." He takes me through some rooms and down the elevator to the level below. We walk into a room where, who would've guessed, Haymitch is sitting, talking quickly into something attached to his head. He doesn't realize we're there until he's done talking. That's when he flicks a switch and turns.

"Oh, hello Beetee. Johanna, didn't expect you. Haven't seen you in quite a while, now, have we?"

"They're dead! They're dead and you're not even sad one bit!" I yell in ferocity. Even I'm sad! I'm broken! Finnick's dead! Katniss and Peeta, his tributes, are dead! They're freaking dead, and he's not even sad?

"Johanna, Johanna, they aren't dead. Well, Boggs is. The escaped. They just assumed they were dead when they blew up all the houses and found Bogg's body. They're safe and hiding."

My face lights up. Could it be true? Could they really be alive? "Really?" I ask. "Finnick's alive, yes? And Katniss and Peeta? They're all still alive?" A wave of relief rushes through me. So I don't have to worry anymore.

Well, that's not true. I must worry. They could still be found, tortured, and killed at any second now. But I wanted to go in, knowing fully well to be careful, so they must know too as well. Right? Right. . .

"Annie," I say suddenly. "Annie thinks Finnick is dead. What compartment number is she?" I demand.

"Last I hear, 678B," Haymitch says. "I talked to Finnick the day before he left."

I can't take the elevator. Instead I hop up the stairs 3 levels, skipping a stair as I jog up them and knock on the door as gently as I can, because, well, it's Annie. She opens the door, sniffling with red eyes.

"Annie, Annie, don't cry." I try to catch my breathe.

"Why not?" She asks. "Finnick is dead!"

"He's not dead! None of them are! I just went down and saw Beetee and Haymitch and they both confirmed they all escaped before they set all the houses on fire . . . they made it, Annie, you don't need to cry."

"Really? So, Finnick's still alive? And he's not hurt?"

"Yes! I mean, he's alive, and I doubt he's hurt. Haymitch has had good connection with them the entire time, so he'd tell me if he was."

"Thank you, Johanna. I can't tell you how hurt I was. . . and how worried I had been. . . and how lonely it's been since Finnick left . . . I miss him. . . I hope he comes home safely. . . I really do. . ."

The thing about Annie is that she takes awkward pauses between everything she says. Sometimes they're long and drawn out and other times they're short. Occasionally she'll speed up her sentences and other times she'll say them slowly, as if she's. . .

I don't know. That's what's odd about Annie. She's unpredictable. And so am I.

It's funny when you think about it. We could be a good team.


	2. Chapter 2 : The Compartment

**As promised, here is Chapter Two. 3 will be up tommorrow, as long as I don't do anything stupid again, like break my computer charger. I tried to make it long but there wasn't really much I could put in here. Its sort of a filler chapter, but the end is whats going to bring the story into full swing.**

**Enjoy! Another note at the bottom . . .**

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><p>Sometimes, when I'm sad, I drink milk. As a kid, my mom used to always makr me drink milk when I was down. Despie what everyone thought, it worked. And it's not one glass at a time. I practically had to beg Coin to let me have a few cartons of it in the mini-fridge of my hospital room. She finally agreed, and went out and found the healthiest milk from District 10 and gave me 4 gallons for the next two months. Quite generous of her, actually.<p>

So I've been drinking it all the time. Scattered glasses lay out in the hallway for the nurse to take away. I've been under strict watch ever since they found our I left the hospital. Coin personally came to talk to me. _"It was uncalled for and utterly thoughtless of you, Miss. Mason," _She had said. _"Here in District thirteen, we do not tolerate nonsensical behaivor." _She then told the nurses to keep a close eye on me.

But then again, there are no nurses around. I get up off my bed and peer into the hallway. The only people who work in the hospital around are some doctors at the end of the hallway that I don't recognize. Quietly an cautiously, I step into the hallway. No alarms blare and a team of guards doesn't come rushing out of nowhere. I slip away into the hallways that aren't used as much. I zigzag through small hallways and take the back way leading to an exit. Before I know it, I'm outside of the hospital. But something doesn't feel right. . .

My eyes dart down. My hospital gown! I stamp my foot on the ground. I could either risk it and walk around in it or go back and get my assigned outfit back in my hospital room. It's much riskier running around in the gown, but then again, its risky being caught roaming the hospital solo, too. I've already made it here. . . .

I'm going to take the risk of going around in my hospital gown. I hate that stupid uniform more than I hate this outfit. I'm about to run off, never return, when I hear a "Stop!" and an arm grabs me from behind. Two of Coin's guards are there, and several doctors.

One of the doctors is nodding. "Yes, I saw her sneaking around. In her hospital gown, as well. It seemed she was trying to escape . . ." he trails off. I throw my head back and growl in frustration. They just don't understand! They just don't understand what it's like to be cooped up forever.

My past is getting in the way of my future. And I don't like it. Can't anyone forget about the Hunger Games I participated in? I should be the only one whose allowed to remember them. They're my buisness. And nobody elses. And yeah, I'll admit that I did some pretty stupid things over the course of my life. Trying to kill Snow. Agreeing to tear out Katniss's tracker, with the constant reminder that's how I landed myself in a Capitol jail cell.

But still.

That doesn't mean I can't live a - , okay, not normal, but at least _semi-_normal life here in District 13. Sure, people will still know me when they see me. Everyone watches the Hunger Games. But I don't want to be treated like some sort of alien. In all this craziness everyone has forgotten that I am only human.

And humans can only do so much.

***One Week Later : I am out of the hospital. I am just moving into my new compartment.***

Let me tell you something about this compartment : I don't like it. Just as I'm setting down my one box of clothing, pine needle bundle, and medications, I open the door. The door, of course, swings open and I peer into the room. There's not even the slightest bit of decoration. Just a bed and area to relax, which is a couch and cushioned chair.

You'd think, _Oh, well, at least there's a comfort area. That's a bit of decor. _

But it's not. They're plain navy blue. Boring. It needs a splash of color. And maybe that's just what I'll give it.

I walk down to the original cell of Peeta Mellark, where they had him locked up because he was a mutt. But they shipped him off to the Capitol, so now all that's left are a few reminders of his days here: Empty icing bottles, a canvas with a sunset painted on it, and scattered paints and brushes.

I pick up one of the paint brushes, covered in dry purple paint. I turn in it my fingers, reminded of the time in the arena with him and Katniss and Finnick, too. My fingers clench around it and I pick up a few more along with cans of paint with different colors : Purple, green, orange, red and yellow. They've all been slightly used.

_"Perfect."_

I run back to my room and slam the door shut behind me, locking it up well. Then I crack off the top of the containers of paint, wash off the brushes, and slip them into the different cans. I don't even hesitate to smear it all across the wall. I run the length of it with the brush pressing slightly to the wall. Sometimes I'll add polka dots or stripes of different colors and other times I'll just paint all around.

I do it in the main room and the bathroom. When its all said and done, I take a good look at my work and realize it looks as if a 2 year old did it. The rainbow-colored wall is awkward and random. In some places, the paint is smooth, with perfect layers. But in others its jagged and peeling.

Oops.

Dr. Reginald comes in looking down at his clipboard. The nerve! He didn't even knock. I didn't even know he had a key to my compartment. The damp paintbrush slips out of my hand and he looks up.

For a second, we're frozen in time. Then his mouth falls open and he's got me by my arm, my paint-covered arm, and before I know it I've landed myself in the headquarters of the one and only President Coin.

But you know, I don't regret it. It was so boring. And it was a spark of creativity and I knew where to get paint and maybe, just _maybe, _I'm a little crazy.

When Coin finds out what happens, she sighs. "Thank you, Dr. Reginald, I'll talk to her." The doctor nods and leaves.

The president turns to me. "Johanna . . . Why?"

I cross my arms, my paint-coated arms. "It was boring. I like to . . . be creative. You should see my home back in District Seven. My room was decorated with _all _these things I liked."

Coin is not amused. Not that I was trying to be funny. . . "Johanna, you are going to be assigned a new apartment. If you do _anything _to it, you're going back to the hospital labeled with insanity. Do you understand me?"

I take note of the venom in her voice.

"Yes. Yes. I understand." I nod my head and try to not to laugh out loud. Because I might do something stupid in this apartment, too. Though there's one problem. I don't want to go back to the hospital. . . it was hell. I especially don't want to be labeled as some insane person. That's just not the kind of reputation I have.

Actually, I don't know if I have a reputation. If so, what kind is it? As a mean person? A fighter? Those could both well be true.

"Dismissed."

I nod again and get up off the chair. "Johanna, wait," Coin says.

I turn around and Coin drops a key in my hand. Engraved in it is 678B.

"Don't do anything stupid," She says with a sly smile that means she's up to something. And I don't know what it is.

I'm trying to figure it out as I take the elevator up to my new compartment. The number of choices depresses me. Coin is capable of anything. She thinks that she can control anyone. But I think I'm going to prove to her I'm not one of them.

Still, though, I'm confused as to why she gave me that suspicious smile. I'm still thinking about it when I unlock the door to the compartment. It sounds like the TV is on, which is odd. . . How could the TV be on?

I walk into the living room with my eyes looking down at the plain floor. Suddenly, I get an odd feeling. It makes me feel a little. . . weak. Slowly, I look up. And would you guess? Annie Cresta is sitting on the couch, staring right through me.

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><p><strong>Remember that idea I had about Johanna helping Annie through these rough times losing Finnick and Annie finding out Johanna is afraid of water and wanting to help her? Yeah, thats coming into play. . . <strong>

**tehe!**

**~Jellybean.**


	3. Chapter 3 : Annie and Finnick

**Not a very happy chapter ): I'm already working hard on the next chapter, haha. It'll be up tommorrow, as promised.**

**Enjoy!  
><strong>

**~Jellybean. **

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><p>"How can I be in a compartment with Annie?" I bicker. "I mean, not like she's bad or anything, don't get me wrong- - she's a real sweet girl, but . . . why am I her, uh, roommate?"<p>

Coin taps her fingers on her desk. "We thought it would be a good idea. Our idea was that she could help you with your fear of swimming down in the pool area. And I went and payed her a private visit. She agreed, saying it would be nice to help you."

I smile a bit. "Oh." It seems kind of sweet that she'd do that for me. We were never really friends, as Mags always went to be a mentor so she didn't have to. But she knew that Finnick and I had each other's backs. And I guess it mattered to her. Of course it did. Even the smallest gestures matter towards her.

I slip up the stairs lightly on my feet and unlock the door to my compartment. Annie is sitting on the couch again, watching news feed. "Hello," She says. "Finnick told me to never be afraid of you. He said that you wouldn't hurt me and you only hurt people you didn't like. Or people in the Games."

I nod. "No, no. I wouldn't hurt you, Annie. Me and Finnick are best friend, you know."

"I know," She says, smiling. "He talked about you a lot back in District Four. Always had stories that made us both laugh."

I guess she's really missing him, talking about him so much. She turns back to the Capitol news feed. It's something about shortages of milk and firewood. _Firewood _is the key word that catches my eyes. I turn towards the screen and stare at pictures of District 7.

Broken dams. Axes stuck in trees, workers on strike. The Victor's Village is trashed. The picture has my old house in clear sight and is pointed out by the reporter. I stare at it, the smashed windows and partly torn off roof. For some odd reason, it makes me sad. I'm reminded of my life back there. I can even partly see the garden in the back. . .

The garden where two dead bodies had once laid.

Suddenly, Annie turns to me. "Do you want to go down to the pool?"

I hesitate. "I do," I say earnestly. "But I . . . I'm afraid. . . "

She nods. "I understand. I was afraid of everything after I got out of my Games. They flooded the arena, and even the sound of water terrified me for a month. It was hard. I couldn't even get myself to go in the ocean. . . I miss the ocean."

"Okay," I say, and push myself up off the couch. "Let's go down to the pool."

We take the elevator down a few levels and Annie leads me down several looping hallways. Finally, just as I thought we'd reached a dead end, Annie stickes a key in some door with no windows, just metal, and pushes it open. From there are glass doors with a long, wide pool inside.

My toes tingle at the sight of it. I'm still honestly afraid of water.

"Come on," Annie says softly. I hesitantly step into the room and walk near the edge of the pool.

_You've made improvement, Johanna. You're safe here. Don't make a fool of yourself. Yes, improvement. It's just water. It's not going to hurt you. Even though it's capable of it . . . but it won't. Not here, at least. Safe. Safe. Safe. Keyword : Safe._

I sit down by the edge and peel of my sneakers and socks. I also take off my jacket since it's pretty hot in here. My foot shakily reaches down towards the surface and, with one eye closed, stick my big toe into the water.

It's cool to the touch. Nothing happens. No electric shocks come running up from the very bottom with a mission of almost killing me. I can see it under the water, and I take a deep breathe, planning on more.

"You can do it," Annie says in the background. I wriggle my toes and then plunge my entire foot down into the water. For a second, my eyes are plastered open, waiting for the shock, the torture, the long-awaited death from the Capitol people with no mercy whatsoever.

But it doesn't come. None of it is going to come. I was rescued at Katniss's demands. It probably wasn't a good idea to send me to the Capitol anyway. I think I wasn't completely sane.

My eyes land on Annie in the corner, placing some towels down on a chair. Everyone says she's as mad as it gets. And sure, she's a bit odd. Sometimes she'll cut off sentences completely and cover up her ears, as if blocking out some horrible noise that she just can't take. . . but I don't think she's mad at all. I guess she's . . . unfit for reality.

And by reality I mean . . .

The reality that the Capitol is cruel.

The reality that Finnick is gone.

The reality he is setting himself up for death.

The reality that she witnessed the beheading of her District partner.

The reality that the Games are real ; She won them.

The reality that this world is horrible.

It's all reality. And she's one of those people that can't accept it. That doesn't mean she's mad, she just has to try and block it out as best as she can.

And I suppose its working for her.

By now I've let the water go up to my knees.

"Okay, Johanna, you're doing good. Now all you need to be able to do is jump in. If you can jump in, you've made a great step of progress. It's the most scary and miserable at first to even think about it, I know, but if you can do it, soon enough, you'll be able to do even more . . ."

She trails off. I slip up out of the water. "Jump in?" I ask. "I guess I could try. . . But no promises I'll be able to do it today."

"That's okay," She says. "It might take a while."

You know, she's a pretty good teacher. With her knowledge of water and fear and pain and torture, she's my perfect teacher for this particular class . . .

**O**ver the next few days, I swim and Annie coaches. One day, after I came back from lunch, she had written up a list of things she was hoping to get done in future classes. It included going underwater (which I still refused to do), learning to swim better, and even the hardest:

Getting me to say this exact phrase :

_**"I am not afraid of water."**_

The words would always get tangled up and would come out a blur. But as Annie would always say, _"Only do it when you know you're really not afraid."_

Annie and I create a wonderful friendship. It's odd for us two to be a pair, as I'm more fierce and straightforward than her. But we have many things in common. We both were in the Hunger Games. We both won. We both miss Finnick. We both were afraid of water. We both were tortured. We both lost at least one loved one as a forewarning from President Snow. . .

Sharing a compartment with her isn't bad. I still don't know why people treat her different. She's as sane as I've ever seen her. She laughs normal, she talks normal, but she's twice as gentle. And who said that's a bad thing?

One day, we walk back to our compartment from lunch together. We're both in a good mood, as the cafeteria was serving chicken from District 10 today. It was fresh and good and brightened everyone's day.

I have my key in my hand already, so I do the honor of unlocking the compartment and we walk in. Today was a good day. Annie's as sane as I've ever seen her.

I shut the door behind us and it automatically locks. While I go into the bathroom to brush my teeth, Annie goes and sits on the couch. "I'm going to turn on the Capitol news," She says. "I want to see if there's anything about the troop with Finnick in it."

I rinse my mouth and walk out. "Katniss and Peeta are also in that group. Plus Gale, that guy whose best friends with Katniss?"

"Yes, we've sat with him at lunch," She says thoughtfully. "I remember him well."

She reaches for the remote and clicks on the TV. The Capitol feed is already on, and a reporter is talking in a high, clear voice. She is standing out on some deserted street. "-and the body has been found. It had been confirmed that it is that of the infamous Finnick Odair. Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark are reported to still be alive and on the run. They-"

Annie shuts off the TV right there.

I slump down in my chair, eternally scarred by this news. Finnick is dead. His body was found. There's no denying it. There's no blocking it out. It's all said and done. When was the last time I talked to him?

I think it was the day I got back from the Capitol. . . We were discussing Katniss.

_"The rebellion? Is she making the Capitol's life hell?" I ask._

_He smirks. "Why, yes, she is."_

He promised me she was and I believed him. Suddenly, I remember Annie sitting a few cushions down to me. Her fingers are paralyzed, clenched around the TV remote firmly. Her expression isn't of sorrow or shock. It's hard. You can barely see her breathe.

"Annie . . ." I say gently and calmly. "Don't panic. Everything will work out in the end, okay? I promise. Say something if you understand, okay?"

"Yes," She replies, almost robotically.

"Yes?" I ask again to confirm she isn't flipping out.

"Yes," She says softly.

I hesitate, but reach forward and give her a long hug. After about a minute I can hear her start to quietly weep. This is terrible. How could this happen? My muscles weaken and I let one, just a single tear, slip down my cheek.

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><p><strong>Finnick! Nooooo!<strong>


	4. Chapter 4 : District Four

**Hope you like this one. Tomorrow the next will be up (:**

**~Jellybean**

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><p>Swim. Eat. Drink. That's my current life. Nothing else matters. Nothing else is important. Swim. Eat. Drink.<p>

I constantly tell myself to ward away the terrible thoughts of how Finnick died, though I'm most certain it's mutts that killed him.

_Do not think about that, _I remind myself once more today. _Swimming. Swimming is priority. Do not think of drowning. Do not think of torture or electric thoughts. Swimming is swimming. Paddle harder. _

I sit on the side of the pool, a towel wrapped around my bony thin body, trying to dry off in the chilly air as best I can. Annie's leaning off the side of one of the chairs, drying her hair quietly and calmly.

It's been 3 days since the news that Finnick died, and you can tell Annie's heart is broken. Everyone always knew how much they loved each other. Even when they did go through hard times : Finnick had to watch her Games, knowing he loved her. She had to watch him go off to the Capitol twice in a year. . . There must be more, but that's all I can think of right now.

I shiver a little and turn back to Annie. "Annie?"

"Yes?" Is the quiet reply I get back.

"Do you want to ask Coin if we can take a hovercraft to . . . to District 4?" I don't even know where I got that thought. It just hit me, and I want to do it, for Annie.

She turns. "I would love to go back, but she'd never let us."

"I think she will. She put me in a compartment with you so you could help with my fear of swimming. Let's just tell her we're going back as part of my swim therapy," I say confidently. It's actually a pretty good plan.

Annie stands up immediatly and starts walking towards the door. "Okay. Let's go ask right now."

We walk up the stairs quietly without speaking. I sneak a glance at her face, trying to see what she's thinking. But all I can see are beautiful green eyes and long, wavy, brown hair.

When we reach Coin's office, two guards are standing outside. "Hello Johanna," One says.

"Hey, we need to get in there," I try to squeeze through but one of the guards takes me by the arm and pulls me back out to where I was standing before.

"Why?" He asks.

"It's none of your buisness," I say in anger, crossing my arms. Annie steps forwards slightly, cautiously, as if one of the guards are going to hit her.

"We just need to ask President Coin a quick question, sir. It won't take us more than a few minutes."

At first all he does is stare at us, but finally the guard turns and opens the door, stepping in to inform Coin of her vistors. "Send them in," We hear.

Annie and I plant ourselves in the chairs across from Coin's desk. She signs _Alma Coin _on some paper and then turns to us. "Annie, it's been quite a while since I've seen you. Johanna, good to see you again. What can I help you with?"

Abnormally nice . . . that might just be helpful. We might have a better chance of getting a yes. I should probably ask since Annie is a little, um, out there.

"We want to take a trip to District 4."

Coin seems to just stare right through us. Does she want to let us or not? Will she let us? I hope she lets us, Annie needs this.

You can tell Coin is thinking about the recent news of Finnick's tragic death and seriously considering letting us.

"So, can we?" I ask.

"I don't think so," She says.

"But why not?" I wail in dissapointment. When I take a quick glance at Annie, its obvious she's on the verge of tears. She needs something, _something _to remember Finnick by. No matter how bad it hurts. For her, it could be as treasured as her engagement ring or as simple as I seashell they found together on the beach.

"Johanna, you have to realize the dangers of this task. While you may think nothing will happen, the Districts are in full-out battle and will attack and potentially kill anyone who has something special to do with the rebellion.

Remember that there are two types of people in each district : Ones for the Capitol and ones for freedom. District 4 most likely has people all for the Capitol, as its one of the better liked Districts and also a Career district where many people support the Games."

I think about this for a moment. I hate to admit it, but she has a definate point talking about the Career districts. Those districts, from gossip I've heard around 7, are in the hands of the Capitol. That much I know is true. I'm not sure about how fiercly they're fighting, but its supposedly very bad.

"You sent Katniss to twelve when she came to District 13," I say quietly, staring at my feet.

"It's different. Her District was destroyed by the Capitol," Coin tries to explain.

I look up fiercly. "My life was destroyed by the Capitol. And I don't seem to be getting any special treatment."

Coin freeezes in her spot. After what seems like forever, she sighs. "You can go to District 4. Under strict watch and only for a couple hours."

Annie and I stand up and cheer in unison. "Yay!" She cries in excitement. "I'm going to find everything that reminds me of the times I had with him, and I'm going to gather them all up, and bring them back and they'll be with me forever and ever!"

"Maybe after the war is over I can go back to District 7. I just want to go back before I die. That's my only wish . . . but District 4's good. I've only ever been there on my victory tour. It'll be nice to see the beach again," I say.

Annie claps her hands together in happiness. "Even though he's gone, I can come alive again on the inside going back . . ."

I smile. "Come on, lets go. Thanks, President Coin," I say.

Annie and I practically skip all the way to the elevator.


	5. Chapter 5 : Homecoming

**I'm sorry its so short! I had practically no time to write this! I'm still trying really hard to update every day!**

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><p>The sand warms my ice cold toes. I feel frozen when I look up and see the angry mob trying to attack us but being blocked off by what seems like an infanit number of guards. All with a strong build and good connection back with District 13. There's even been a roped off area people aren't allowed to go in. Cameras are also everwhere.<p>

Reporters stand in front of the roped off area with a good shot of me in the background. "Johanna Mason and Annie Cresta have come out of hiding and are here on the beach of District Four. An angry mob is attempting to attack the pair, as it is known that both of them, especially Johanna Mason, are a big part of the rebellion in the Capitol," they'll say.

Annie comes out of her previous beachside home she shared with Finnick. In her hands are two large, bright pink beach bags. They're stuffed to the max with random items I can't explain. But if she's taking them back, they must be meaningful to her.

I laugh. "So then, are you ready to go?"

She looks down at her bags and smiles a bit. "I think so, yes. I'm not very comfortable with all these people trying to kill me . . . it's not the . . . the first time its happened."

She's doing it again. Talking about her Games cautiously, without much thought. She's actually been doing it quite a lot. Sometimes it makes me uncomfortable. I don't really like to think about my Games either. They were some of the scariest times of my life. And I'm always slightly nervous she's going to go completely insane and I won't know what to do.

"Okay, come on, let's go," I say.

We walk to the hovercraft together and climb in, getting ready to head back to District 13. I look over at Annie. She doesn't look too happy. "Are you sad to be going?" I ask.

"Sort of," She admits. "It's just this place is my home. And I want to stay here forever." Suddenly, she starts crying and covers up her ears, but I don't do anything but sit and stare because I don't even know what to do.

"I miss District 7 sometimes too," I say in sadness. "I understand what you mean. It's where I grew up and thought I'd live forever. But the Games turned my life upside-down. And I'm not sure if I can turn them right-side up anymore."

She looks up at me, her tear-stained face.

"Exactly. Finally, someone understands. Maybe this baby will be the only thing keeping me hanging on to Finnick," She says, and clutches her stomach protectively. Oh. I forgot about the baby.

The hovercraft lifts into the air, and I'm mostly quiet the entire ride. We pass District 5, District 6, but we don't go over 7. To get to 13, we have to cross-cut over the woods and past 8, but not 7.

When we arrive back in 13, I settle into my compartment by lying down on my bed. Hearing the sounds in the other room, I can tell Annie is unpacking all the stuff she retrieved from District 4. How much longer could this stupid war last?

"Want to go down to the pool?" I look up to find Annie standing openly in the doorway, her arms folded behind her back. It seems as if she's nervous, her feet teetering back and forth slowly and gently.

"Sure," I say. "How many more weeks till you're supposed to have your baby?"

She smiles. "Next month he's due. And I can't wait to be a mother." Her eyes take on a look of fantasy. "You know, I always thought it would be scary to be the only thing between the life and death of a living thing . . . and it still is, but not as much as I thought."

I nod as if I understand. "Okay. We going?"

"Yes. Let me grab the swimsuits." She walks over and picks up a bag that contains both of our one-piece swimsuits.

Hard to admit it, but I'm nervous . . .


End file.
